March 30, 2020 — It’s a fresh week! I love a fresh week but honestly I’m still pretty off.
Morning is my time. I have energy and bandwidth. Later in the day it’s a real crap shoot. I can’t count on getting anything done really.
I think imposter syndrome is rearing its head. We wear so many hats and there’s an accompanying imposter for each of those: mother, sister, daughter, friend, neighbor, yogi, athlete, household manager, community activist, business owner, professional, you name it. If we think we have some sort of perceived role then we line right up to tear ourselves down about how we suck at it!
What is it about control? Does control equal
focus?? The very idea of control right now is laughable.
The concept of failure stops us in our tracks, often before we can even get started. The expectations are large and heavy. Self-invented, yet they feel real.
Today I will avoid over-investing in expectations of any particular outcome, progress or system for myself. It’s back to basics. Nothing more. The moment I think “ok, today I’ll do (something that I’ve decided is important)” and then when I literally can’t and the day is falling away, it’s that mental battle on repeat. It’s over before I can even start.
I am ok, really, but I’m suffocating under layers of global uncertainty and it’s going to take some time to wade through and claw out from under.
Here’s my one and ONLY plan: (and feel free to try it yourself)
I will get energy from looking back over the past 2 weeks and noting with a sense of accomplishment and wonderful gratitude for what I HAVE DONE and what positive things are now a welcome part of my life.
Like having my husband home not traveling. Like going on countless walks and seeing friendly people out everywhere. Like hearing kids outside! Like not feeling time stress. Like blogging my head off and feeling like a WRITER. Like reading books that have been staring at my from my shelf for ages. Like cooking up the produce before it goes bad. Like doing online yoga many days. Like playing fun tennis with fun friends. Like calling distant friends relatives and having warm, engaging conversations. Like sitting out front in the evening and chatting up the neighbors as they venture out for walks.
I just re-read that list and already found myself defaulting to those thoughts of “but here’s what you should be doing…“
BACK OFF, Head Trash Monster. Nobody is buying what you’re selling today.
Life is actually great and I’m doing a great job!
And so are you!!