October 22nd, 2024 – Greetings, friend! I have a question for you: have you tried it yet?

Have you waded into the lovely waters of saying NO to things so you can actually FOCUS on what’s important?

Ohhhhhh I so have! And it’s hitting like feverish decluttering does…once you start noticing all the crap around your house, you grab a box or a bag and you stalk around like a hunter…nothing is safe!

Current musings:

Real talk time. And some fair warning: I YELL quite a bit in this passage:)

Ok, let’s do this.

Don’t argue with me: you KNOW that your schedule (and your life!) are overcrowded with things you should take a hard look at and consider cutting off.

I’m doing it, and while it’s not easy (nothing worthwhile ever is!), it’s incredibly valuable and getting more so by the day.

When you finally break up with whatever that thing is (some board position you’re done with, etc), you’ll find that you were ready months ago, but hadn’t had the moment (or cojones!) to draw that line in the sand. 

It’s so time, friend!!! Permission granted right now.

Here are some real, actual examples of things I’ve said no to recently and while it was absolutely difficult to say, am soooooo glad I did.

Exhibit 1: I love tennis. I love my tennis buds. I love all things tennis. There are lessons, clinics, and teams. However, my teams that hold matches on a weekday are wreaking havoc on my schedule because, with league play, it’s hard to plan around the variable factors like distance and how long a match can last.

Therefore, I’ve decided to not sign up for any teams that play during the week. I’ll still do lessons and clinics, of course, but those are predictable as far as duration and location. Ahhhhhh. Such relief.

Exhibit 2: The other thing that I am so glad I sucked up my nerve to say no to was volunteering for shifts with Drive-A-Senior. Week after week would pass by, and I felt bad because I wasn’t looking to pick up a shift…and then I’d get texts from the volunteer coordinator asking for more drivers…and there it was: the feeling bad!

So, I reached out last week and simply said this wasn’t a good time for me to give of my time and talent, but I’d be so happy to make a monetary donation.

DONE.

STOP THE SUFFERING!

Reality check: YES, of course I feel bad/sad having to disappoint someone!

But, HEAR ME NOW! This FODO (“fear of disappointing others”) is what tends to hold us in a stuck pattern of avoidance. We are avoiding the pain of telling someone, so we then wind up holding that pain for ourselves.

Say no to FODO! (hmmm that doesn’t quite ring like FOMO, or does it?)

(This is especially challenging for us “obligers” according to Gretchen Rubin’s brilliant rubric in The Four Tendencies. Take the quiz if you haven’t; it’s an eye-opener for sure.)

We women especially are well-versed in this kind of inner turmoil where we feel like we have to do all the things and that we aren’t allowed to say no, especially not without a “really good” reason like you have an autoimmune disease or something. AM I RIGHT???

STOP THE MADNESS!

I’ve lived that life. It’s like the more kids you have, the more time you feel this obligation to give of yourself to all their communities. It’s a vicious cycle and it simply grinds us into the ground.

STAND UP AND SAY NO!

No kids? You still have a million things vying for your schedule as well and you somehow feel obligated to give of your time. Book clubs. Committees. Shall I go on?

One more example of something I’m saying no to UP FRONT (yay me!) is a book club that’s just getting started with people I really like (and I really love reading, too) but I would have to Tetris that time slot in so…it’s a no.

Which leads me to the intriguing phenomenon of when you let go of something that’s not serving your life, the absolute perfect thing DOES come along that you always wanted to say YES to!

Wild. Just wild.

Here’s how you do it:

Clean the windows of your life and schedule so you can actually see what’s on there. You don’t want to wake up someday late in life and think, “man, I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME doing things I didn’t want to do, and could’ve said no. I SHOULD’VE SAID NO!”

You get to be picky with your time. You MUST be protective of your energy. It’s IMPERATIVE that you stand up and say NO as much as possible, because then you’re really saying YES…

YES to the right things for YOU. Yes to doing YOUR things!

It’s a muscle. A muscle you’ll need to train, but it will be so good. You’ll be so dang proud of yourself that you’re saying no to energy leaks in order to FOCUS on your real, true self.

What is on YOUR list that needs the NO (or not now) treatment?? Please email me here and tell me so I can cheer you on!!

Shake things up!! Let’s go!!! Yay you!!!