July 23, 2024 – Gentle warning: today’s email is a tribute post that will be a bit heavy.
I’m not gonna lie, today is a hard day for my heart.
I want to tell you about two incredible people, close to me in completely different ways, who never knew each other, but are now inextricably linked in my heart. My hope is that they are raising a glass together in the unknown realm that lies beyond our human body experience. I need that image in mind.
If you’ve been reading my email/blog for at least a year, you know that my older brother Mike died suddenly last year, just shy of his 61st birthday. Today he should be 62. They say time heals all wounds, but this one is still very, very fresh.
And yesterday (7/22/24), my friend and chiropractor, Dan Bockmann, a brave, kind and genuine soul, finally succumbed after a valiant 4 year battle with colo-rectal cancer. He was 55 1/2 and before the diagnosis, a vibrant and healthy human.
Although they never crossed paths in life in any way, they now live side-by-side in my heart as a firm reminder that life is simply too damn short. It can be pulled out like a rug you never saw coming or it can be shortened in a somewhat foreseeable way, forcing you to take stock of your life much earlier than you’d ever thought you would.
Why am I sharing this with you? For one, writing helps me process the pain and right now…I’m in pain, along with Dan’s family and my own family as we face Mike’s birthday today.
However, when loss happens, often (I’ll even venture to say almost always) there is a silver lining. A gift that you didn’t see coming. Something that can “almost” make up for the pain.
Silver linings carry us forward through the tough stuff. I’m grateful to be able to share that the passings of these two men have powerful silver linings!
Silver lining showcase #1: The case with Dan was clear as a bell on his Dr Dan Says YouTube channel. When he was diagnosed in early 2021 and began his treatment, he started sharing all of it on his channel, in the hopes that something he was going through would possibly help give hope to someone else with some similar cancer experience. He was hoping to maybe help out a few people. But what exploded out of that channel over 3 years was what will now and forever be celebrated as Dan’s international “Panda Family.” Those 37K subscribers carried him on their online wings as he shared deeply and worked through his entire cancer journey with bravery, honesty, and acceptance. I and thousands of others were in awe of his positivity through deeply difficult treatments, surgeries, hospitalizations, and simply managing daily life.
His mom deserves an Olympic Gold medal for caretaking!
And, incredibly, in the midst of all the medical drama, he finally published his lifelong work dream of The Fixable Back course (which will now and forever be free to all, as per Dr. Dan’s legacy). Such an incredible gift. His final video mentions the book he wished he’d been able to write: The Cool Thing About Cancer. What a guy! He will be sorely missed.
Silver lining showcase #2: (run-on sentence coming…) As for my big brother, Mike, an innovative, brilliant yet incredibly unlucky guy who had worked so very hard to claw his way through a 10-year medical war with his own body to finally be stabilized and stronger physically, emotionally and socially, and well-loved by his 2 sons…and who we lost in a senseless, spontaneous way after a bizarre car accident…none of that sounds like a silver lining, does it?
But this silver lining is the precious gift of a bonus family member: Mike’s biological daughter, Shelley, my niece! The niece of whose existence I’ve known since I was 11, but never met because she was not part of Mike’s life. She has a great mother and stepdad thankfully, but the cards did not fall such that Mike could show up as her father in her life.
After we lost Mike, we contacted her as due diligence to see if she would seek any claim on the estate, and were pleased to learn that she still lived locally and was willing to meet in person. The good news gets better and better here: not only was she not going to complicate an already complicated situation by claiming herself as an heir, but instead we gained Shelley as a true family member after all this time. And now she and her family are a staple in our family. She is a jewel and we love her. She now gets to learn about Mike through us. Wow, this precious gift. Who knew it could be so wonderful????
Here’s the day I went out to lunch with my little brother (Matt), Shelley’s mom (Wendy) and Shelley herself! (If you’re crying now, that’s good, because I am too!)
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It’s so easy to get wrapped up in futile and petty things that pop up at every turn and to be “too busy” to work on your true purpose. It’s also easy to gripe, whine, and feel self-righteous indignation over all kinds of topics. After all, isn’t the world just clamoring with crazy chatter?
IGNORE it. FOCUS on what’s real and good. Try to see a positive spin even when it’s a challenge. Especially then.
If you have a minute, please email me here. I sure need it.
