May 7, 2020 — It’s hilarious, really, how we expect so much of ourselves. And by hilarious, I mean “incredibly outrageously irrational”. So I’ll restate that sentence:

It’s incredibly, outrageously irrational how much we expect of ourselves. Agree or disagree?

We expect:

-to eat perfectly clean every day
-to exercise like the Rock every day or at least most days
-to meditate, do yoga, take a brain break like the Dali Lama every day
-to be the A++ parent/child/friend/pet parent that we assume everyone else is
-to create the perfect to do list and execute each day with productive precision
-to spend time every day working at deepening a truly meaningful project or life’s work
-to be deeply contributive to the community and the world at large
-to be outraged and therefore champion all the causes everywhere
-to be perfectly green in all our endeavors
-to manage the constant distractions and stay on task at all times
-to have inbox ZERO (really???)

and on an on and on….

It’s exhausting! And by exhausting, I mean poisonous.

Why do we forget so easily that the truly important thing is to just be doing your best in the way that you can? And some days your best is only a percentage or fraction of ideal, but hey that’s how statistics work. 80/20…

I do the same thing. I feel all the things. I tell myself all those lies, too.

Guess what? We are dead in the water with mammoth expectations like that.

And also guess what? We don’t place those expectations on anyone else, do we? Because looking out it’s completely OBVIOUS how unrealistic it is to impose such ideals on one person. Hilarious.

So, can you please give yourself a freaking break? AND, take a moment to identify something that a) is really hard for you and takes forever and makes you crazy b) find a way to get HELP with that thing c) and actually take the steps to follow through. You will do yourself such a favor! Then, you can spend MORE time doing what is easier for you and is really in your Zone of Genius.

For example, I’ll use working out. “I really should work out more” is the worst statement ever made ever by anyone anywhere. I mean, come on. (remember “dead in the water”?)

So, let’s rephrase: (I love rephrasing, it’s so powerful) “I find it difficult to get a workout in. I think I’ll explore why. Would I like a buddy/a trainer/a program? Maybe I could consider a dance party in the kitchen as a workout? What can I do to increase my potential for success?”

Do you see what I mean? EMPOWER yourself and think outside the box.

I struggle BADLY with systems because I’m an ENFP (AKA “squirrel!”) and I would rather dream up new ideas left and right ALL DAY LONG. Let’s brainstorm! Let’s do this new thing now and then this other new thing a nanosecond later! Can I get an “amen!” from my fellow ENFPs?

I absolutely love me and my Ryan way. BUT, it means I need to seek help! I need accountability like I need air and water, people. When I put that critical piece in place, I increase my odds of success, and that feels AH-MAZ-ING!

However, there are other things that I have not yet put parameters in place for that increased success. But I’m working on it, slowly, surely, and SLOWLY. In this immediate gratification society, it’s harder than ever to remember that SLOWLY is most definitely SURELY.

Patience with yourself will serve you well. The next time you think a nice thought about someone else, stop and turn that on yourself for a change, because you need that good mojo more than you think.

You’re doing great! Let’s say it together and often:

“Yay me!”

Cheers! -ryan:)

PS Thanks for reading this “guidance counselor” session. I just never know what’s going to come out when I sit down to write!