January 11, 2022 — Wow, y’all, there’s some STUFF going on. And it’s affecting me way more than I realize.
I freaking BLEW MY TOP yesterday. It was a tidal wave that swelled, teetered in its gigantic heft at the crest, then BOOM! A mighty power overtook all in its way, tossing and tumbling everything into a crazy mess.
All without much warning.
It’s not like you don’t know that ocean waves are perpetually coming, but you never know when there’s going to be that really big one.
Last night. And whew, did it come!
All because my son locked his keys in the trunk of his car. (they were in his backpack) A big deal?
I’ve done that. We all have. But two things in particular contributed to the giant ocean swell that became my total hissy fit yesterday. Like a head-separating-from-body situation.
Factor #1. No spare key to be had. (FYI we HAVE a spare key. We have a PLACE where the spare key lives. So simple. But if the spare isn’t there…)
Oh, and let me remind you of this simple fact of physics: when you are LOOKING for something (especially if there’s any WHIFF of stress) you will not be able to find it. It’s scientifically proven. By me.
Factor #2. This situation was seriously impinging on what I wanted for my post-workout, make and enjoy dinner, and have my wind-down evening after my Monday. Yes, I wanted my evening that I had planned. I was even down for watching football.
So while waiting for the lockout service to text they were en route, I filled my anger balloon inside my chest. Apparently with C-4…
Typically, when you send for a tow/lockout/battery jump, you get texts with plenty of information about their timing. This time, not only were they early, they sent no progress updates.
“We are on-site.” was the text. Uh-oh.
We were still at home! (not far away, mind you, but not on site.) YIKES.
BOOM! I lost it. F-bombs. Slamming the front door. Really, really hard. (I admit that it feels so good in the moment to slam a door. But then the instant regret trumps that momentary satisfaction.)
I was practically already out of the driveway as my son was trying to get in the car.
I’m yelling to (at) him, “Text the guy! Wait, call the guy! No text him. No, call him!!“
Can you imagine!? I wish I was exaggerating about my behavior.
I feel gross just writing this because I am reliving what a BEAST CRAZY MONSTER I was and now my son has to live with this beast human as his mother.
Ultimately, we got there. Luckily, the guy waited. (He could have easily moved on to the next lockout…so grateful!)
He opened the passenger door with his contraption really (scarily) easily. Within minutes! (should that be so easy?)
So with the alarm going off, we got the truck popped open, retrieved the key…
But by then, I’d already crashed my wave ALL OVER THE PLACE. The destruction was done.
I can’t change that reaction. I can’t un-explode.
What CAN I do?
Share with my son that my reaction was not how I wanted to act. That I’d rather he not emulate that behavior. (“Do as I say and not as I do”)
As kids do, he’d already moved on. Yes, he thanked me for getting the lockout service, but I so wish he could read my mind and know how much he put me out of MY EVENING.
See how messed up that last sentence is? What is missing here?
I think the missing piece that MUST be considered on this otherwise average Monday evening is the underlying environmental global worry about this Omicron thing.
NOTHING makes sense anymore. Not since March of 2020…
Exposed? Take a test? Can you get a test? Does it even matter? Quarantine for 10 days? 5 days? N-95. Double mask. Stay home? Social distance?
How about just crawl under the covers and stay there for a year?
Netflix doesn’t give you COVID-19.
My message is this: we have some layers of weird here that are playing with our emotions hard core. We can’t forget that.
Schedule some EXTRA SELF-CARE. Baths. Breathing.
Call a friend but DON’T spend the whole time talking over the ‘Rona Gloom and Doom.
Live, but give yourself allllll the love.
You don’t want to Mt St Helens all over your family like I did.
Today, I start over. Thanks for reading. We’ve got this!!